Maybe I can start over

We’re only a little over two weeks into the new year; maybe it’s not too late to save my resolution or goal or whatever I called it. I’ve gone running exactly once since 2015 started, and have eaten bags and bags of candy and other junk.

I have excuses of course; the temp has been in the single digits every morning and I’ve had a wicked cold. But the bottom line is I just haven’t been trying. I could have done some sort of indoor workout; I could have chosen fruit and tea over candy and chips.

It all cumulated today when I ate a whole large pizza and hot chocolate for breakfast and then purged. I can’t keep doing this.

It’s freezing cold again today, but once I’m done writing this I’m going to do at least 15 mins of strength training here in the living room. I tried to restart my morning by having a healthy breakfast of multigrain Cheerios and black coffee; I’m not going to continue b/p-ing for the rest of the day like I’m tempted to do.

This coming week is supposed to be warmer; I’ll be setting my alarm again for morning runs. I’ll go to the grocery store in the next day or two to get healthy foods for regular meal-planning and whatnot.

I refuse to give up on my dream of finally beating ED. It’s not giving me my dream body; it’s not helping me accomplish anything. I want to run another 5K this spring, and pass the police fitness test, and look and feel amazing at the million weddings I’m in this year. I want to set a positive example for the hubs who really does need to lose weight and get healthy. I can’t do any of that while sitting on my ass, binging, and purging.

I want 2015 to be the year I can finally feel normal.