That’s really the only explanation for my behavior lately. I keep saying I’m going to stop binging and start working out, and then I don’t do it. Today I actually went for a run and was completely dying after 1.5 miles. I need to get back into a routine. I also realized how completely fat I’ve gotten when I started stretching afterwards and my fat rolls spilled over the top of my pants – which didn’t happen a month ago.
But i’m so goddamn hungry all the time. I’m trying to eat healthy shit – I’ve had bran cereal, chicken, broccoli, and tea so far – but all I can think about is chocolate and other candy. I can’t deal with these obsessive thoughts; they’re driving me crazy.
Every day that this shit continues the more going back to treatment would fuck up my life, but every day this shit continues not going to treatment is also fucking up my life. Fuck. I just don’t know what to do anymore.