So I leaned something on my trip to Europe – food doesn’t need to be a big deal. It’s a social event, it’s fuel – but it doesn’t need to be agonized over and certainly isn’t worth feeling guilty about. I was so proud of myself over there – I ate pasta, and cheese, and all sorts of “bad” things that usually would give me anxiety to have once a day, never mind at every meal. And for the most part, I felt okay. I was active most of the day, and enjoyed the whole experience instead of worrying about how many calories I was consuming.
But now I’m back, and tonight I b/p’d on a pint of ice cream and a box of cookies. I’m realizing that I can be okay with my fear foods if they’re portioned for me, but if I’m left to my own devices I eat way too much and can’t sit with the fullness and have to get rid of it before my anxiety consumes me. I had ice cream and cookies in Europe, but I was served a small amount with no option to get more (aside from actually ordering another which would be way too humiliating to be a real option). Also, when I don’t have enough structure in my day, my default is to eat. I hardly snacked at all in Europe bc I was so busy, but now I’m back to thinking about eating every moment of the day. And I am incredibly lazy – I just cannot pry myself off the couch to go work out or anything, but exploring each city in Europe kept me walking for hours and loving it.
I was happy for two weeks – aside from moving to Europe, how do I get that feeling back?