Am I too old for this?

Are EDs only for young girls? The educated part of me knows ED can strike any age, background, or gender, but my experience makes me think it’s something I can outgrow. The action part of it at least; I don’t know if the mental part will ever go away. But restricting and committing to exercise seemed so much easier 5-10 years ago. Now I can apparently only restrict until someone puts something yummy in front of me, and can only seem to exercise for 30 mins before boredom overwhelms me. But the mental part hasn’t gone away; I still feel like a fat whale most of the time and freak out whenever I step onto the scale. When I eat in public I’m like a bird, but when I eat at home I’m like a starving child. I feel so lost. I feel like a failure – both with ED, bc I can’t seem to do that properly, and as an adult, bc I can’t eat normally either. I’m applying for law school and honestly the most exciting part is the prospect of being able to skip dinner three nights a week. (Last time I was in school at night I lost 15 lbs pretty easily bc I wasn’t eating dinner or desert.)  I thought about writing about ED in my personal statement but I was afraid they’d think I was too fucked up to accept me. Ugh. I need to just approach this like the adult I allegedly am – stop buying shit I don’t want to eat. Unfortunately, that’s easier said than done. 

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One thought on “Am I too old for this?

  1. It’s definitely not only for young girls. In my last experience with treatment, of the 6 of us in the evening intensive outpatient, 3 other patients were over 40, and I was in my 30s. In my experience with partial hospitalization, about a third of the patients were 40 or older. It’s not something most people just “grow out of”.

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