Cuz I’m never, ever, ever… Getting better?

I really am trying to recover. I’m working out moderately, eating at least three meals a day (actual meals, not a piece of fruit and Diet Coke like I used to do), and even allowing some “bad” foods into my diet. But it seems like I can only ever get three days in a row before I fuck up in some way – binging, restricting, over-exercising, not exercising at all, or, in the case of today, b/p-ing at work. And then that b/p lead to skipping my afternoon walk (or maybe skipping the walk lead to the b/p?) and continuing to be lazy and eat shit at home. I’m trying to shake it off and just get back on track tomorrow, but in the back of my head I’m like “oh I’m going to be out tomorrow evening I can restrict dinner and burn extra cals.” I don’t know how to break this cycle 😦

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2 thoughts on “Cuz I’m never, ever, ever… Getting better?

  1. Oh this is a really sh**ty place to be- I know the feeling well and wish I could just magic you out of it. This analogy might (or might not!) help. When you’re stuck in a rip in the sea the instinct is to keep swimming to shore, but swimming against the rip is impossible and exhausting. What you need to do is go against gut feeling and swim sideways and that will get you free to float into shore. Now while I don’t believe any part of ED recovery will feel like ‘floating’ I do think figuring out how to swim sideways is useful at times like this. What are the small things you could do to help yourself right now? What is the next right thing? Structured eating/distraction/etc etc. Don’t worry about ‘recovery’ at this moment, just think about what will get you out of the rip. Thinking of you at this rough time x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I just started with medications 9 days ago. I was feeling exactly as you. You are not the only one feeling this. I am sure we can change it. I am writing in Spanish as I am mexican. Sometimes talking about it just make everything better… use this space!

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