I’ve written about this before and I’m sure I’ll write about it again, but I just can’t figure out why I always sabotage myself every time I make progress. Like this morning when I woke up I was 123.6, which is just four pounds from my wedding weight and pretty exciting. I worked out and ate good food. Then I had an all-afternoon bingefest, and ended it with a purge. I know I only got a tiny fraction of the food out, and it didn’t make me feel any less bloated or sick, so the purge wasn’t even worth it and now I feel extra bad. I don’t know where this came from. I hate that I can’t control myself. And it makes any progress I’ve made seem insignificant when I still have these giant fuck-ups.