But I have a reason. I started feeling like I had this persona I needed to maintain and it started to become too much pressure. Also I didn’t want to admit I failed.
I gained eight pounds after my wedding, from just non-stop eating and no exercise. But I’ve since lost it and seem to have figured out a method of weight loss/control that works for me (and yes I know it’s not healthy but I’m trying here). I restrict and exercise all week and binge on the weekend.
I feel like this wouldn’t be an issue if it wasn’t this time of year. We bought so much candy for halloween and then got no trick-or-treaters, so it’s been all candy all the time. And since I can’t eat just a little candy, it’s all or nothing.
I have to wonder why my husband wanted to buy so much candy. We live on a dead-end street with like no kids; he can’t have thought we would really give it all out. I feel like he’s trying to sabotage my weight loss; like he knows I’m not going to eat a lot of normal food so he buys the one thing I’ll always binge on.
But now the candy is gone (I ate most of the good stuff and am taking the rest to work tomorrow) and I can focus on restricting. We’re going to France in two weeks and I have to be skinny like those women. I’m hoping being there will help me get my shit under control – like they eat croissants and cheese and shit but still stay skinny bc obviously they eat small portions. I have two weeks; hopefully I can get thin enough to start and then maintain using their methods.
This is stupid, right? They just had a terrorist attack and I’m admiring them for being thin and glamorous. I’m pathetic.