I’ve been absent 

But I have a reason. I started feeling like I had this persona I needed to maintain and it started to become too much pressure. Also I didn’t want to admit I failed. 

I gained eight pounds after my wedding, from just non-stop eating and no exercise. But I’ve since lost it and seem to have figured out a method of weight loss/control that works for me (and yes I know it’s not healthy but I’m trying here). I restrict and exercise all week and binge on the weekend. 

I feel like this wouldn’t be an issue if it wasn’t this time of year. We bought so much candy for halloween and then got no trick-or-treaters, so it’s been all candy all the time. And since I can’t eat just a little candy, it’s all or nothing. 

I have to wonder why my husband wanted to buy so much candy. We live on a dead-end street with like no kids; he can’t have thought we would really give it all out. I feel like he’s trying to sabotage my weight loss; like he knows I’m not going to eat a lot of normal food so he buys the one thing I’ll always binge on. 

But now the candy is gone (I ate most of the good stuff and am taking the rest to work tomorrow) and I can focus on restricting. We’re going to France in two weeks and I have to be skinny like those women. I’m hoping being there will help me get my shit under control – like they eat croissants and cheese and shit but still stay skinny bc obviously they eat small portions. I have two weeks; hopefully I can get thin enough to start and then maintain using their methods. 

This is stupid, right? They just had a terrorist attack and I’m admiring them for being thin and glamorous. I’m pathetic. 

Advertisements

One thought on “I’ve been absent 

  1. It is a myth that French women are all skinny, and little to do with control. Outside of Paris, where there is perhaps more pressure and competition to look model-thin, people here come in all shapes and sizes. Also, the whole system is designed differently – many restaurants serve smaller portions to reduce food waste, and shut between lunch and dinner services, while supermarkets close at 8pm on weekdays and don’t open on Sundays – even the 3 McDonald’s in my city close by 10.30pm. I think environment has a huge role in influencing our daily choices and behaviours, so we can’t always attribute weight and health issues to individuals, least of all attach moral judgements like “discipline” or “failure” to any of it.
    All the best, be well, and enjoy your trip to France! It is cold but it will be beautiful, you are in time for the Christmas markets!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s