The week before my period is the worst time for my ED. All I want to do is eat crap all the time, and the fatigue makes me not want to work out at all. And then all the crap I eat makes me especially bloated because I’m retaining water, and so by the end of the week I feel like a giant whale. Which in turn just makes me want to eat more because my ED tells me drowning my sorrows in carbs will make me feel better – until it makes me feel worse and I need to starve or purge.
May 1st is a month until my wedding, so no pressure there. However, I think having a distinct time frame in which I need to cut out all the crap will be helpful – if I want to eat something I can tell myself I can have it at the end of the month (and hopefully by then I won’t want it!). My runs are getting longer, but that’s kind of a double-edged sword – it burns calories and boosts my mood, but it makes me so goddamn hungry.
But I’m also done with school next week! So hopefully the removal of that stress will help with the stress-eating a bit at least. I just want to lose five pounds of fat. I was originally aiming for 110, but I’ve come to the realization that that weight is maybe a little too low and won’t be long-term sustainable. So 115 sounds like a nice goal. I just want to be a little less squishy, a little more defined. Is that so much to ask?