Sabotage

I’m running my first race of the year tomorrow, so of course I decided to binge tonight. I’m trying not to purge bc I don’t want to be dehydrated for my race, but now I’m full and nauseous and am afraid I won’t sleep well. I’m also afraid I’m going to look like a flabby sausage next to all the serious runners. 

Why do I always do this to myself? Whenever things seem like they might go well, I do shit like this that’s bound to fuck it up. Always. Why can’t I just let go of ED and get on with my life?

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