I feel like a failure

Every time I set a goal I don’t meet it. I wanted to be in good shape for my fitting next week, but I haven’t run once all month and haven’t managed to go more than 24 hours without eating some sort of junk food – I’m even craving it now as I write this!

March is no excuses, bc if I don’t run then I’m never going to be able to do my race in April. Maybe that’s it – I always put shit off until I absolutely *have* to do it. The wedding isn’t for three more months – Hubs and I are finally making this shit legal after two years of just walking around with a ring on – so maybe I’ll finally get serious with my diet in May. They can take the dress in a whole size two weeks before the big day, right? :/

I’ll also be done with school then, and I always stress-eat while studying/doing homework. So note to self: no more school. Three degrees is enough.

I never did get around to calling my shrink to up my meds, and I feel like now it’s too late for that as well. Antidepressants always take like 3-4 weeks to kick in, so by the time I adjusted to the higher dose it would be spring and I wouldn’t have to deal with SAD so much anyway.

I fucking hate living in New England. Half of me wishes the hubs had been disgusted with my bulimia when we met – because it was full-blown bulimia at that point, I’d completely given up on restricting and just b/p’ed all day every day – and our relationship hadn’t gone anywhere, we never moved in together or bought a house or any of that shit. Then I could have moved somewhere warm like I wanted to and not had to deal with the added burden of SAD on top of everything else. But the other half of me loves him and couldn’t imagine life without him and I know he’ll never leave, so I guess I’m just doomed to be miserable for at least a quarter of every year.

Ugh I sound like such a whiney little bitch.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “I feel like a failure

  1. Have you thought about what limiting self beliefs you hold that prevent you from moving towards your goals? I was/am scared of change, the unknown, what if I failed, what if people didn’t like me, I’m not good enough, I don’t deserve it and so on. I too set goals without really trying to meet them, and I’ve only just recently begun to look at what beliefs I hold any it myself that are preventing me from moving forward. Your mind is your only limit 🙂

    Like

  2. Sounding like a ‘whiny bitch’ or not, these diseases affect us.
    I live in the UK, and suffer from SAD, and binge eating also.
    I know it can be tough, but try thinking of all the positive things in your life. What you love.
    Counting our blessings help 🙂

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s