I’m so confused.

I got on the scale yesterday and it was 117. I guess I was expecting it to be in the 120s with all the binging I’ve been doing lately. So weirdly, that helped me get through the day eating fairly healthily, not restricting but not eating too much. And then after dinner I ate a whole bag of Swedish Fish. Wtf. So today I ate the exact same healthy food as yesterday and successfully restrained myself from buying any crap so maybe I’ll actually make it one whole day without binging. That’ll be an accomplishment – I haven’t really been able to do that since before Thanksgiving.

I always try to figure out the subconscious motivation behind my binges, and usually all I can come up with is stress. But yesterday it was almost a conscious decision – I was insanely depressed from the moment I woke up, and was on the verge of crying all day, so at least eating until I felt nauseous gave me something else to focus on, something else to feel.

I hope it finally stops raining/snowing so I can go for a run tomorrow before work. I need it.

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