Every year for the past decade my new year’s resolution has been to lose weight. If it had to do with recovery at all it was just to stop binging so I could lose weight. Well in honor of ED’s 10th birthday (sometime in spring 2015), I’m going to make a different resolution this year.
I resolve to be healthy.
That means no more binging, but also no more restricting. That means more exercise and less sitting on my ass. That means less processed junk and more fruits and veg.
Recovery doesn’t need to mean getting fat. I don’t know my weight right now bc I’m terrified to get on the scale, but I’d estimate it’s back to my normal 122. Which the disordered side of me thinks is way too high but the recovery side of me knows is a healthy weight; it’s even on the low side of what a healthy range for my height and frame would be. It’s a maintainable weight. And who knows, maybe by eating less shit and doing more exercise I’ll lose some body fat and think 122 is skinny.
I will not be defined by a number or ruled by food. Food should be fuel for my body and nothing more.
Of course, it’s going to be 36 and rainy in the morning, so running won’t happen, but maybe I will do some yoga in the evening or something. And I’ll eat my fruit instead of candy.