Undoing everything

I’ve worked so hard in the past two months to eat cleanly and improve my fitness. I’ve stopped buying candy at work and have started running at least three days a week, ideally four or five. But in the past week I’ve basically undone all of that. I’ve eaten literally POUNDS of sugar, and haven’t gotten off my ass much at all. I can literally feel myself getting flabby, but I’m doing nothing to stop it. I’m obsessed with thoughts of eating, and the only activity I want to do involves moving from the couch to bed and back. I feel completely out of control – which is kind of crazy, because these are things that should be easy to control. All I need to do is stick to my workout routine and stop stuffing my face. I know what to do but I can’t seem to actually follow through. Why do I do this to myself?? I know eating this shit and not working out is going to make me feel worse, not better, and yet I continue to repeat the cycle. I want to blame it on stress, personal conflict, etc., but that’s not a fair assessment – it’s just me being a fat, lazy sack of shit.


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