Maybe this is progress?

So I didn’t really eat much today – a smoothie for breakfast, an iced tea for lunch, an apple for snack. But then dinner came and I was starving so I said, “you know what, I’m eating a real meal.” And I ate a giant bowl of leftover seafood fri diavlo with linguini and only felt a little bit guilty. So my daytime eating habits were fucked, but I think my attitude at night makes up for it a bit right?

But then I got some really shitty news – long story not for this blog – and I’ve been crawling out of my skin ever since. I want to binge, I want to purge, I want to run for hours. I finally took a Klonopin, but even that’s not really helping. Hence why I’m on here blogging instead of working on my final paper or doing anything productive.

I think after being stressed to the max all day every day at work, I just have nothing left for additional angst when I’m home. So I can’t deal and want to turn to behaviors. I’ll have to discuss this with my shrink next week. I think I need a higher dose for emergencies like this.

Ugh I really need to get back to this paper… I’m just having such a hard time caring lately. I don’t want to do schoolwork. I don’t want to go out and socialize. I just want to sit on the couch in my sweatpants and fuck around on the Internet.

I’m already taking 300mgs of Wellbutrin, exercising, and getting proper sleep; I don’t know what else to do about these blues. It might be time to pull the light box out. I hate pretty much all of now through the middle of April. And now I’m just rambling.


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